Saturday, 12 December 2009

For Kelli - How to Deal With an Obsessive Friend or Acquaintance

Kelli asked me the other day if there is anything that can be done to help distract the thoughts of someone who was becoming borderline obsessive with her. The answer to this is most certainly yes! I have worked on a few ideas and so there is a selection depending on how you want to approach this problem. The first few suggestions focus on building some necessary barriers and gaining some extra protection for yourself. The next approach is one of sending positive energies to the person in question, giving them the opportunity to feel better about themselves and need you less! There is nothing to stop you from combining the two and in fact, if time allows I recommend it.

First, I just want to say a quick few words on how to work with spells that involve other people, particularly when there are some negative energies around…

Notes on Dealing With Other People’s Energies
One factor that I feel is far too rarely taken into account with new spell casters is that you must always consider the power of the energies (or person) that you are ‘up against‘. Someone’s behaviour may be causing you to be upset but if they are convinced that they are in the right it will give them strength. You must acknowledge this in your bid to turn the situation round - determination is a powerful energy and you must match it. For this reason, don’t try to use witchcraft as a magik shield. It is not an external force but an internal one. Ingredients, tools and environment all play their part but their part is to build YOUR energies. You are the essential ingredient. Don’t approach spells when feeling the victim or when feeling weak. Work on yourself first if this is the case.

How to Build Inner Strength and Protection
So, with that said, onto how to start changing the situation!

Surround yourself with candles and meditate. Six is good number of candles for me - I don’t know why but I just feel comfortable - but you could also use your numerology number if you wish to. This is in order to re-establish your personal boundaries which can feel under attack when being surrounded by the energies of an obsessive person. They cross lines and fail to recognise your rights to be yourself and due to insecurities, will often get a power rush from trying to change you. Sitting in amongst the candles using meditation will allow you to do 2 things - reflect incoming energies back out again therefore giving you a break and a chance to revitalise. And once within your protective circle you can think about your strengths, positive friendships, personal thoughts and all the things that make you feel good about being you.

If you find meditation difficult and that your mind wanders, say:
I am safe within
I am strong without
Tied to my kin
My friends are devout

I am unshaken ,
And unique to the core

I bid you well wishes
I am closing the door

If you have any, keep some yellow aventurine with you, particularly when the negative person is around. This is perfect for power struggles in general and also helps to calm the nerves. With a clear head you are more likely to come across as someone she is not going to be able to get to! (You can take this into the candle circle above too.)

Perfect for this time of year! If a negative person comes to your house, place some mistletoe in the doorway or above you in the room where you’ll mainly be.

Wear a talisman - something that represents the Gods and Goddesses can help you feel you have an ally.

Sending Positive Energies
Kelli asked about distracting the problem acquaintance which is an excellent approach as it better for solving the issue in the long run and also lends itself to creating positive energies - which I’m always in favour of!

A pendulum can be very useful here. Mostly used for divination it can also send positive energies to people. Take a piece of paper and draw some basic images of what you feel she would benefit most from concentrating on, eg a heart for her relationship, a smiley face for self esteem. Ask the pendulum what its answer for ’yes’ is today. Establish the direction it moves in and then hold the pendulum over each individual picture you’ve drawn, asking it to send positive energies to her in the form of its ’yes’ direction.

You can also write a small list of all of her positive traits down, read them aloud and then smile to yourself. With these positive thoughts in mind, burn the paper in the flame of a white candle and place it in a bowl to burn completely (although don’t be worried about what it means if it goes out! Just light it again.) This releases these kind thoughts to her and enables her the opportunity to focus on herself and start fixing and problems she has. This may need to be repeated a few times.

If she comes to your home, burn cinnamon incense around her, preferably allowing the smoke to drift away through an open window - it‘s very cleansing. This can also be done in her absence using something personal to her to connect and re-establish your energies before sending them away again. However, don’t try this if you don’t feel strong enough or experienced enough as you could be bringing her even closer to you which defeats the object!

Lastly, but very importantly, you may find some changes in her behaviour in the weeks after your efforts. This can be a result of her feeling unsettled by changing feelings or being resistant to these changes. Remember that an individual’s free will is paramount and that it is up to them to accept what you send them. Try again if you find she reacts negatively with emphasis on your own protection and strength building.

To Kelli - I hope this helps to ease the problem and I will be thinking of you :) xx Love, light and blessings


  1. Thank you so much! This is exactly what I was looking for. I will let you know how everything turns out!

  2. Hi Kelli - glad it suits! I avoided anything too spell based for you.

    Any problems along the way, or anything you want to change and ask about, you know where I am :)

    Fran xxx

  3. thank you for the advice! do you have any books you could recommend that would explain these strategies in more depth?

  4. Hi Sarah Betsy, thanks for your comment and welcome :)

    I don't really have books to recommend for most of the points above as they come from my own experience and are based on the way in which I (or friends of mine) work. I post here from time to time with explanations on where I find inspiration though.

    That said, I did read Pendulum Magic for Beginners by Richard Webster when I first started using the pendulum and found it really easy to follow - and exciting when it all started to work!

    Hope this helps,
    Fran xx

  5. iove your site I am looking for something to help me protect me and my spouse from a bunch of bully 15-16 yr olds that keep bullying and actually threatened me. can u help me pls?